I was recently shown a blog which was full of really deep meaningful posts and looking at my boring day to day list of things i do (which is basically all I ever post) I feel I should do some philosophising on this blog as well as keeping you up to date with my life.
I'm sitting at school in the library at present as my rehearsals don't start for 2 hours and I have already printed out all the stuff I've done on the school compters that i intend to keep, my school computer folder is the most organised thing! It has subfolders for school work and other stuff, further subfolders for things like Christian Union and that in turn has further folders for each of the groups I have spent the past 2 years helping to organise. If I wanted to find the poster I made for a specific discussion it is really easy but I am beginning to think I have too much time on my hands.
Here is my confusion...If I have too much time on my hands, why am I always stressed about getting stuff done?? In the past 2 years I have successfully (we hope) completed 3 A-levels and and AS level and still found time to run a CU, a discussion group, a video group and a Science club at school. So why don't I have time to do ordinary things like washing my hair in the morning?? grr!
I can't believe I only have 3 more days left of school!!!!
FOUNDERS DAY
Last Saturday I was in school yet again (oh yes, you can't keep me away) for the Leavers Ceremony and the actual founders day celebration. It was great watching everyone going up on stage to get certificates, prizes and commendations and really interesting to see what they plan to do in the future although I'm sure the end results of their careers may be more interesting! My personal achievements in terms of prizes etc were pretty impressive (she says modestly) and I have spent the last couple of days being congratulated by various people especially teachers.
One of my prizes was the Judith Cook Sevice Prize (due to a typing error) and was in recognition of my being nice and helpful or as Chris would put it, 'doing too much'! This was all very well, and I was really chuffed at the recognition but today it all backfired. I went to visit my form tutor to offer to help with the younger choir, something I have been doing for years, but now it feels like an obligation, because I was given an award and now I have to keep up the good work! I later helped carry some stuff for the drama department, I was given this look and told that I was 'always so helpful'...things which before I always did because i thought it was the polite thing to do (and was always shocked that nobody else did the same) are now seen as something I'm only doing because I'm Jess and I'm expected too!
It used to be that I helped because I was a nice person, now I feel like every time I help it is frowned upon, like I am only doing it to show off that I'm a helpful person...'hey look I'm nice and I got a prize for it'.
Ok, so I have now just written a lot of stuff about what a perfect person I am..which may seem like bragging but please, read on and you will understand. My opinion is this...everything I have done in the past 7 years at school and which has now gained me a prize was not done in the hope that I would get something back but out of a sense of good will. Anyone who has read Kant will understand this, a truely good action is not done because you have to, or even because you can't help being helpful but because you believe it is the right thing to do.
I believe that it is right to hold doors open for people, to offer to help carry stuff, to give your spare time when you have nothing else to do to help, to put out chairs, to pack up chairs, to take responsibility, to talk to people, to guide younger people, to tidy up, to make the most of every oppurtunity. It isn't about being a goody goody, I've spent 7 years being confused by the attitude of everyone else, I wonder why younger girls get confused when you offer to help them, when you take time to talk to them...my ideals are built on Enid Blyton, malory towers, where the older girls use their responsibility wisely to help the whole school.
I tried to explain to some year 9s last year that I was helping them because I had this kind of ideal where everyone helped eachother and they just looked at me blankly. They actually didn't understand what I meant.
Is the world really this sad?? It's sad that someone can be recognised and rewarded for actng in a way that everybody should. It isn't that hard to pack away your own chairs after a concert, if everyone did it then staff wold get home hours earlier. It isn't that hard to stop and help someone who has dropped all their books rather than looking down your nose at them. It isn't even that hard to give up free a week to stand in a science lab and help first years grow beans! So why is it that people leave as soon as they are off the stage at a concert, walk over girls and are confused by the fact I know the members of Science Club.
There we are, that is what I have wanted to say for ages!! There is philosophy in it (Kant is AS level Ethics) and lots of morals too. It is highly likely that you are reading this and thinking that I live in a world of ideals, a world that is never going to exist when there are wars going on and governments acting for themselves and not the people, a world that we can only dream of. I would also like to suggest that you are currently dreaming of that world, that at some point in their lives everyone will dream of that world, and it is because they are dreaming that they will miss the old lady who has just dropped her shopping. I'm not a dreamer, if I believed it couldn't come true I wouldn't make the effort I do, I'd probably have cleaner hair, more free time!
This summer, 1000's of young people are descending on London, to help in projects all over the City, they'll be cleaning up estates, painting schools, teaching football and all because they have an idea of what is right. They are doing it because they believe in a God who created the perfect world we all dream of only to see it become the world we have today. So many adults I know look at Soul in the City and see it as something for young people to do for fun, an act of faith and dedication which they can watch from the sidelines. Is it that as we grow older we lose sight of that dream? Do we lose something of that faith where we believe we can change the world by changing our own actions?
On founders day the speaker talked about us being the future, how we are taking over the jobs that our elders our now holding, that we can sort out the mess they have left behind but what is that mess? Is it the result of them losing sight of the dream and if so how are we to know that we don't face the same fate?
A while ago my friend suddenly turned to me and said 'The World is evil' she was shocked at the sudden realisation that humans are far from perfect, that the lives we live are full of hate and destruction. Her immediate reaction was to want to go out and start making sure everyone in the world conserved energy by turning off lights when they left a room. My own reaction was to realise that most people are either pessimists about the world, or trying to be optomistic, they look at what they have and say the glass is half full. What happened to the other half?? Why don't we want to have a completely full glass?
Maybe I am an idealist...If the whole world wanted peace, there would still be war but perhaps it would be a war of speech not bombs.
Ok, I really need to shut up now, I have typed for ages, I think I've covered everything from my personal problems with the JAGS VIth form to my problems with global politics but at least i feel I am making a better use of my blog! who knows someone out there might actually bother reading this far without getting bored and will do something, like turning out a light or realise they need to wash their hair. If it's the former then maybe I've made a point somewhere in this rambling. If it is the latter, then they should be glad they have enough time to read this and wash their hair.
Farewell, thanks for listening
Jess
